Life at GTZ

Life goes so quickly, I cannot even believe that....it seems that it just had been yesterday that I moved to Sweden, jumped on the plane to Africa, and entered the ferry to come back home...and where am I know? In Frankfurt, working (as an intern) for the GTZ in the poverty reduction programme....hell yeah, life goes quickly.
And today I feel inspired by Chels, the loveliest Canadian I have ever met, who put such wise words on her blog I won't even try to compete with....but it made me think about things and I figured that I feel extremely blessed....no, not blessed in a religious way, blessed in a more general way.
I was thinking about the past 6 years, the things I have learned, the places I have seen, the people I have met, my family who has been with me all the time, my friends who were saying good bye and received me with open arms later on...these are the things making me feel blessed.
Sometimes I feel tired, would like to know where it's gonna end...but in the next moment I feel how right it is to go again and how much I love the life I have and how much I wait to finally start working in what I am interested in... but then again, things worry me, not so much my own life, since I got the control over that. Or at least I try and pretend to. No, it is more the life of others, of friends, strangers, and maybe the life of humans I worry about, and sometimes people eventually might even scare me...not my friends and family of course....no, I just want that my friends and family are just as ok as I am.....scarying are people in general.... reading the newspaper or listening to the news on tv is not nice at all, it makes you sad, desperate, incredibly angry and sometimes it is making me freeze and I am turning into a pillar of salt not knowing if there will be ever anything we can against the sick behaviour of human beings. But then again, I go and read ideas from smart people who never lost their trust in mankind and I have dinner with my family or wine with my friends or both with both of them and it makes me feeling good again and I know that it is worth to try....and so it goes, up and down and up and down and up and down and always up again...
Ok, sorry guys for this weird piece of work, but I am more than overtired, but indeed very happy with my life (at least until tomorrow when something will hit me again...)...

Miss you all (saying good bye IS the worst part of leaving) and wouldn't know what to do without you....

Sleep well and always take care!

And When Night Falls Down, Poems Awake..

Stages
(Hermann Hesse)

As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.
Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Cosmic Spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave-taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence.
Even the hour of our death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races.
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.

Reflections

It has been 2 1/2 weeks since I returned from Sierra Leone. I had great times with my family and friends and appreciated the feeling to be home. I enjoyed all the comfort which was missing in Freetown and learned how nice a hot and properly working shower can be.
I also learned how differently I handle the experiences I made in Sierra Leone. While I was i Freetown, I often accepted the circumstances just because there was hardly any other option. But when I now think about what I have seen, heard and learned, when I now listen to the (often sad) news from down there.....hell, it is hitting me big time. I know, there is something you call cultural shock.....am not sure if this is the best way to name it.....I would rather say it is more the increased awareness which does not let you sleep at night and which puts you in a strange and weird mood....I am not getting confused, I am just getting so incredible angry and I feel so helpless at the same time....anyway, I am sureI will find a way how to deal with this kind of questions and this immanent dilemma....
Besides that, I am quite fine. Suffering from a slight cold, I received the good news that my blood is very fine (I got it checked just to be sure that everything is alright) and even my iron deficiency disappeared. My body is a self-regenerating miracle. Excellent!
I went to Hamburg last week and will head to Berlin on Thursday. And finally.....on Sunday I will find my way to Göteborg and I hope there will be better weather than here.
I had a really good time here with my parents and my brothers, some close friends and others and I am going back to Sweden in a quite relaxed mood and ready to meet the final study challenge - the Master thesis.
Just in case that you are looking for me during the upcoming two months....check the library first :-) deadline is May 24th and it will be a hard piece of work....
And after the graduation in Götebborg on June 5th I will join the funniest game ever - let's do some job hunting.....any news will be published right here.

And here some impressions I got when I visited the nordic beauty Hamburg....

Just To Compensate My Yearning

Renée and I - she stayed with me until the last minute...thanks for everything!

Children are fetching water from the tab on the street....

Our lovely kitchen.....

Loads of nice veggies and fruits - unfortunately mostly too expensive to buy for most people

My absolute favourite.....a 3dimensional poster - painted by hand as most of the advertisements...

Just in case that you are getting hungry at night: boiled eggs, akara (fried rice-banana balls), fried fish, fried sweet potatoe and more. Quite delicious though!

My friend Isata - we went out dancing for one of my last nights and ended up in this super small "bar", which consists of two chairs and two tables and belongs to Momoh's shop.
But it was such a great fun!

Two African beauties - Jojo and Mami

My lovely neighbours - how much I miss your friendly"How di morning?" and the neverending smile

Country Roads, Take Me Home

And the roads took me home....sound and safe. And I am happy to be back, to see my family and the friends I missed while I made one of the experiences of my life..
But it was a sad good bye. These four months were an outstanding experience and I will never miss them. Filled with loads of great things I learned and figured out, sometimes also filled with things which made me sick, tired and sad.
The last day was maybe the worst one. It was not only the good bye making me sad, but something really bad which happened to one of my special friends there - to the lady who taught me how to cook the African way, the lady who let me into her life as I would be one of her sisters, the lady who shared her perspective with me....
It happened about 10 days ago when a little 5years old boy fell into her pot with hot pepper soup. People are cooking on the ground on small charcoals and the boy played with a puppy, did not pay attention and slipped backwards straight into the poz. Burned all over the bottom part of the body they brought him directly into a quite ok emergency and started treating him. He started recovering and my friend started to lose some of the guilt and shame she felt although it was an accident which could had happened anywhere and anytime. She was happy and promised him a football when he would be allowed to leave the hospital. But then, three or four days ago, she told me that the mum took the boy out of the hospital - against the recommendations made by the doctors, other community members and even the boy's father. She took him out and brought him up country and I can only guess about the reason....maybe she was believing a traditional healer could do better than the doctors. The reason does not matter anymore, since it was Friday (the day I left) when my friend learned that the small boy just passed the way...somewhereup country far away from where he could get proper treatment. One might imagine the guilt my friend felt and still feels and it almost broke my heart to leave her alone in this situation. I have hardly seen her crying before, but on Friday it seems that she would never stop.....
You can now guess of the reasons of his death....maybe the injuries were too heavy anyway, maybe the wounds got infected up country, maybe the immune system was weak....who knows. But what I know quite for sure is, that leaving him in hospital would have increased the chances to survive. Now, there is nothing left than to wonder why.... There is nothing else to do than to to grieve and I do it with all my heart.

And I am sad to leave all the great people I met. I can only say thank you to all these amazing men and women I met in the past four months. And thank you to all of you anywhere on this world, following the blog and commenting of my life. I would not know what to do without all your support, critical remarks and positve thoughts you send me over.

This blog will continue - maybe not from Freetown yet, but from whereever I will be. Right now I spend some time with my family in my hometown, but will be back in Sweden beginning of April. And later on....well, we will see....

Thanks for everything and take care or yourself and your beloved ones!